ouuuugghhhhahh.
There is a recommended daily intake of Parliazers which, once exceeded may result is pains throughout the body, nausea, fatigue and general misery for the subject. Symptoms include; memory loss, red and sore eyes (similar to having very dry, fine sand tipped into you eyes and then blinking repeatedly), stomach ache, vomiting (see example: Red at the bar last night - straight onto the floor!! - gross! and yes there are photos), head ache, throat ache, coughing, spluttering, slurring, blurred vision, talking absolute shit to everyone, pissing off the balcony at bills, doing random dumb shit, dressing us as a sheep and waking up thinking you acted like a complete gentleman all evening. Remedies vary and range from several cold beers, to lying in bed feeling sorry for one's self, pain killers (lots of), more beers, a visit to Bills to find your darts and hopeless wandering around the house. Recovery time also varies but is most likely accompanied with; a pledge never to drink again, asking around to find out how you got home, several trips to seicomart and a couple to Lawson, some juicy fried chicken and then a complete reversal on you pledge and a repeat of the afore mentioned actions.
Pissed By The End - yes, weren't we all. Friggen heck!! The aptly named team of chino wearing instructors were the epitome of true sportsmen (whist playing darts - afterwards they were a complete bunch of pissed human wrecks) as they punched their way to victory in 5 games. A four-nil win over the 'desperately close but not close enough' Humphrey Bodart. With every game coming down to 1 dart on the double Humphrey Bodart were able to coax but one game from PBTE who snuck over the line with brilliant accuracy and deft digits!
Huge gratitude and thanks go out to Jay who did a bloody awesome job on the score board (no pressure!) with but a few miscalculations quickly corrected by the angry mob held at bay by MC 'get ya fuckin' dart on' Lachie.
Lachie. - Do we thank this guy or thank ourselves lucky that it's only one night of the season that this guy gets a microphone? The dribble of pure scorn and persecution was outstanding with no one safe from the onslaught of the overall wearing jugganaught. Believe it or not he actually was at the bar warming up with jagers before any one turned up. The commentary made the final only more disastrously loose as people turned to the drink to drown their sorrows as Lachie pointed out every failure, lack of dress sense, inappropriate action and generally told everyone how shit they were because he had the mic and they didn't! And yes T-roy is a 15 year old trapped in a 35 year olds body.... can't wait to pass the parcel at his 40th!
42 Below will never be invited back after releasing farm animals into to bar, filling them with vodka and then proceeding to take hundreds of photos some of which included some weird mating rituals on the back deck of Bills.
As the mic was put away and the evening placed in the safe yet lethal hands of Brett and the bills bandits things got a little less serious (about darts) and a little more serious (about drinks) and it all started to take form as the night of the season began.
Paralizers old and new went out to the winning and losing teams...... then it all went absolutely T-roy shaped.
Congratulations Pissed By The End - Big Phil, Scotty, Leif and Beno.... Niseko Hirafu International Darts Grand Slam Premiers 2008-2009!!!
Dartmaster signing off for the season.
So long and thanks for all the 2am trips to Lawson! |
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TOP 8! | Rank | Teams | Points | Played | Wins | Draws | Losses | Won | Lost | %* | | | 1 | Hano Hounds | 25 | 9 | 8 | 1 | 0 | 32 | 8 | 71% | | | 2 | Bravedart | 24 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 1 | 35 | 10 | 78% | | | 3 | Cunning Linguists | 24 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 1 | 28 | 14 | 62% | | | 4 | Pissed by the End | 21 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 2 | 29 | 16 | 64% | | | 5 | Humphrey Bodart | 18 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 3 | 28 | 17 | 62% | | | 6 | Golden Shaftz | 18 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 3 | 27 | 18 | 60% | | | 7 | Balls Deep | 16 | 9 | 5 | 1 | 3 | 28 | 16 | 62% | | | 8 | Shidoriashi | 15 | 9 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 23 | 22 | 51% | | | 9 | Powder Puff Girls | 15 | 9 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 21 | 25 | 47% | | | 10 | Simply Red | 13 | 9 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 24 | 20 | 53% | | | 11 | Hitman | 13 | 9 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 24 | 19 | 53% | | | 12 | Pissed by the Start | 12 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 23 | 22 | 51% | | *Games won as a % of 45 possible games played Tuesday 17th of Feb 1 vs 4 -Hano Hounds vs Pissed by the End- 7pm2 vs 3 - Bravedart vs Cunning Linguists - 7pm5 vs 8 - Humphrey Bodart vs Shidoriashi - 9pm6 vs 7 - Golden Shaftz vs Balls Deep - 9pm
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Preliminary Finals Round 1 Results Rank | Teams | Points | Wins | Draw | Losses | Games Won | Games Loss | %* | | 1 | Hano Hounds | 22 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 29 | 6 | 83% | | 2 | Bravedart | 21 | 7 | 0 | 1 | 32 | 8 | 91% | | 3 | Cunning Linguists | 21 | 7 | 0 | 1 | 24 | 13 | 69% | | 4 | Pissed by the End | 18 | 6 | 0 | 2 | 24 | 16 | 69% | | 5 | Balls Deep | 16 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 27 | 12 | 77% | | 6 | Shidoriashi | 15 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 23 | 17 | 66% | | 7 | Humphrey Bodart | 15 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 23 | 17 | 66% | | 8 | Golden Shaftz | 15 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 23 | 17 | 66% | | 9 | Powder Puff Girls | 15 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 21 | 20 | 60% | | 10 | Simply Red | 13 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 23 | 16 | 66% | | 11 | Hitman | 13 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 22 | 16 | 63% | | 12 | Pissed by the Start | 12 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 21 | 19 | 60% |
Tuesday 10th of Feb1 vs 12 -Hano Hounds vs Pissed by the Start - 7pm
2 vs 11 - Bravedart vs Hitman - 9pm
3 vs 10 - Cunning Linguists vs Simply Red - 9pm
Thursday 12th of Feb4 vs 9 - Pissed by the End vs Powder Puff Girls - 7pm
5 vs 8 - Balls Deep vs Golden Shaftz - 9pm
6 vs 7 - Shidoriashi vs Humphrey Bodart - 9pm |
DA DA DA - DARTS!!!
Alright..... it now gets a whole lot more pointy than before! The end of the season is here and it's finals time - now it's time to get your dart on! No more Mr Pissed Train Wreck.... now its all about cranberry juice and strong waters with lime. Its been a long and well orchestrated ordeal but the shake down is on and the finals draw is decided. For all those teams that just didn't get their shit together enough to make the finals, commiserations and thank you to you all for being the teams to beat. For those that actually made the finals... congratulations, now its time to show that it wasn't just some fateful chain of events and forefits that got you there.
So a seasons worth of chucking pricks has give us the following shake out:
1. A league that enjoys paralizers as passionately as darts (on occasion more so).
2. 8 weeks of at least 1 morning of darts (paralyzer) induced concussion.
3. 3 leagues of competitive pricks.
4. An affiliation with tex mex food.
5. Some darts results and a cunningly designed finals draw!!
The finals will be made up of the top 12 teams form the league of 24. Yep the top half is in and the bottom half are now the official cheer squad - sharpen your pom poms and get ready to cheer and leer at the finals over the coming weeks.
The top 12 are decided based on points from matches won then sorted by %age of games won(out of 35) over the course of the season. The finals draw is as clear as a milky paralyzer and for those without any kind of formal education above grade 5 I will now provide a brief explanation of the game play for the next few weeks.
The Final 12 are:
1. HANO HOUNDS - bow wow.
2. BRAVEDART - You will never take their freeeedom!
3. CUNNING LINGUISTS - lick sip suck
4. BALLS DEEP - thats pretty deep man
5. SHIDORIASHI - Shidori-what?
6. POWDER PUFF GIRLS - Don't forget your makeup
7. PISSED BY THE END - as always
8. SIMPLY RED - Simply
9. HITMAN - bam bam
10. GOLDEN SHAFTZ - and diamond tipped pricks
11. HUMPHREY BODART - B-Bear
12. PISSED BY THE START - we all hope so
The top 12 will play over the next 2 weeks to sort the league out and give us a top 8. Prelim 1 is this week (Tuesday and Thursday) - see attached draw for you night at time or see www.nisekodarts.com
This is necessary as no good shafting would be complete without some cross cultural (league) polynation and procreation - and highly competitive darts. Game play will expand slightly as we progress into the finals to incorporate 501, tactics to 12 and beds. Consult your local dartmaster for details on the night.
Prelim 2 will be the following week and take the new top 12 ladder and throw it into a slightly different mix to finally spit out a top 8. Tuesday (10th) and Thursday (12th) night again.
THEN! ----
We go to the top 8 and Quarter finals. Get ready for an INTENSE week of darts at Bills.
Quarters are on Tuesday (17th), then the semi's are on the Wednesday (18th) and Thursday (19th) that week - yep - you'll need some nights off work if you're planning on making it through.... what's that sorry? Oh you have to work late? Well suck it up buttercup - it's the only way to finish the comp in a timely and orderly fashion - and before everyone has to go home 'due to the current economic climate' and the fact we have no guests! We can make these 9pm games for all those of you with pouts on you face right now!!
Then, before you know it its GRAND FINAL TIME!!!
TUESDAY THE 24th will be the lucky evening to host this most prestigious and ingenious event.
Wild Bills will be the venue, Brett your host and Danga Dart may or may not return to fish dive off the balcony onto hard packed death snow.
Get your dart on. Its the 3rd Niseko-Hirafu International Darts Grand Slam!!!!!
www.nisekodarts.com - it's all on there!!!
Dartmaster. |
| Rank | Teams | Points | Wins | Draw | Losses | Games Won | Games Loss | % | Played | | 1 | Hano Hounds | 19 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 24 | 6 | 69% | 30 | | 2 | Bravedart | 18 | 6 | 0 | 1 | 27 | 8 | 77% | 35 | | 3 | Cunning Linguists | 18 | 6 | 0 | 1 | 22 | 11 | 63% | 33 | | 4 | Balls Deep | 16 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 25 | 9 | 71% | 34 | | 5 | Shidoriashi | 15 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 23 | 12 | 66% | 35 | | 6 | PPG | 15 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 21 | 10 | 60% | 31 | | 7 | PBE | 15 | 5 | 0 | 2 | 20 | 15 | 57% | 35 | | 8 | Simply Red | 13 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 21 | 13 | 60% | 34 | | 9 | Hitman | 13 | 4 | 1 | 2 | 20 | 13 | 57% | 33 | | 10 | PTS | 12 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 20 | 15 | 57% | 35 | | 11 | Humphrey Bodart | 12 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 20 | 15 | 57% | 35 | | 12 | Golden Shaftz | 12 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 20 | 15 | 57% | 35 | | 13 | Burning Arrows of Love | 12 | 4 | 0 | 3 | 19 | 15 | 54% | 34 | | 14 | ABDC | 10 | 3 | 1 | 3 | 13 | 13 | 37% | 26 | | 15 | K-Dart | 9 | 3 | 0 | 4 | 17 | 18 | 49% | 35 | | 16 | Dart Sharks | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 14 | 20 | 40% | 34 | | 17 | Bitches and Throws | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 11 | 15 | 31% | 26 | | 18 | Dart Vader | 6 | 2 | 0 | 5 | 13 | 21 | 37% | 34 | | 19 | Sex Pests | 5 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 13 | 18 | 37% | 31 | | 20 | Daisankaku | 4 | 1 | 1 | 5 | 8 | 22 | 23% | 30 | | 21 | Arse Donkints | 3 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 26 | 26% | 35 | | 22 | Afraid of the Dart | 3 | 1 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 28 | 20% | 35 | | 23 | Jangels | 2 | 0 | 2 | 5 | 4 | 18 | 11% | 22 | | 24 | Bruder | 0 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 35 | 0% | 35 |
Finals Structure
Preliminary Finals 1Tuesday 3rd of February 7 PM - Cunning Linguists vs Balls Deep 9 PM - Simply Red vs Humphrey Bodart 9 PM - Bravedart vs Shidoriashi Thursday 5th of February 7 PM - Hit Man vs Golden Shaftz 9 PM - Pissed by the End vs Pissed by the Start 9 PM - Hano Hounds vs Powder Puff Girls Summary 
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DARTSES
Well ye olde festivities have all but ended but now the real party starts!
As you all should know by now Darts is back on, and on in force! The first games of the year will start on
Tuesday 06/01/09 then on
Wednesday 07/01/09 then on
Thursday 08/01/09!
Make sure you check the website for the schedule and make sure you are there on the right days and times with all your team mates ready and willing to play some darts!
Catch up with you all soon
Dartmaster |
Darts is on.
Tonight. First round... be there for 6:30 ready for a 7pm kick off. For those of you that haven't paid your rego fees bring em along tonight.....
Check www.nisekodarts.com for updated draws, team names, trash talk on the blog and general dart-o-rama.
Thanks to all those teams who gracefully accepted changes to their preferred draw, and to those of you who made our life hell by demanding changes we hope you receive a sharp shaft to the bulls eye!
Tonight is the night, the celebration, the festival, the bonanza... Darts kicks off for the first game of 2008/09 season! Be there or forever be a snooker playing monkey...
Dartmaster.
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How to buy darts in NisekoStruggling to find darts in Niseko? Visit dead eye darts (http://deadeyedarts.com/) they are cheap and ship to Japan. OR Visit Jrs Online( http://www.jrsonline.com.au/ )same deal http://www.dartscanada.com can sort you out too. |
Draw Published
Niseko Darts 2008 Ladder and Draw now published.
Visit the Draw section of this site to see when you are playing next. DIVISION A - Tuesday night.Team Name Captain Reprezentin'
Afraid of the Dart Kristian Lund Powderlife
Bravedart Paul Malandain Da localz
Golden Shaftz Lachey Keevers Demo Fusion
Humphrey Bodart Az Darts
K Dart Martin Tse HTM
Pissed by the End Phil O'Neil NISS
Pissed by the Start Arse Donkits Kirsten Maley Niseko Photography
DIVISION B - Wednesday night.Team Name Captain Reprezentin' The Dart Sharks Erin Crocker Fusion and co.
Skin Grippers Manu Manu's muscular forearms
Hitman Andy Colv HTM
Balls Deep
Sex Pests STIRLO HTM
Bruder The Niseko Company
DIVISION C - Thursday night.Team Name Captain Reprezentin' ABDC Nestor Apres Bar
Bitches and Throws AJ Edwards Niseko Photography
Daisankaku Ajax NISS
Dart Vaders Lee Phillip HTM
Hano Hounds Ryan Watts Niss
J Angels Ai Tanaka Nisade
Powder Puff Girls Griff HTM
Shidoriashi Steve Holmes Demo Fusion
Simply Red Red SkiJapan See you next Tuesday. |
And so it begins.... another season is rolling in and with our shafts firmly clasped in our fist we thrust forth our picks and set out on the twisted trail of Niseko Darts.
It seems only yesterday that we were enduring the nuisance calls of 'Dart Attack', the lunging and thrusting of "DANGA", and the demolition of the paralizer handed out by Brett with apauling regularity. The saga continues and the phenomenon surges yet again - A league of 24 will take the floor this season where there will be but only 1 who walks away with the gloy.... The Crown as Champions of The 3rd Annual Niseko-Hirafu International Darts Grand Slam!.
Who will it be....?
This year the league has exploded like a ruptured nose (sorry Andy). With a hope to entice 16 teams to the floor we have been blessed with an extra 8 and it is now a competition to put a strangle hold on 3 nights at the official darts venue..... Wild Bills. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are the nights of choice, the competition will rage over the length of the season with the finals a hybrid mash up of the top teams from each division.
Can Pauly drag Bravehart across the line.... or will their new rivals and old partners KDart show that they were the strength behind Dart Attack? Will DANGA be back to fish dive off the balcony onto hard packed road plow? Can Matty set himself on fire at the bar again? - please do! Will Brett let anyone stay sober enough to actually play? Who are the new sharks, dark horses and wild rabbits?
With brand new boards and a Paralizer that can take down an elephant it s set to be a blatant disregard for ones health and a furious competition that can only be understood by those who stand up to the line, focus once, twice, look to their team mates for encouragement, blink hard, belch.... then pause... step back and ask... 'what was it you wanted me to hit?'
The break down.....
Every effort has been made to match up teams with their preferred nights but with Wednesday coming on line now,... well someone has to play on Wednesday!! If you would like to lodge any official requests for changes to you team name (the bickering has already begun!), team members (if you got roped in by pissed mates who you don't really like anyway), or any other general winges and complaints please email someone who cares.
Get ready to get your dart on!..... Competition kicks off Tuesday - 6:30 pm!
DIVISION A - Tuesday night.
Team Name Captain Reprezentin'
Afraid of the Dart Kristian Lund Powderlife
Bravedart Paul Malandain Da localz
Golden Shaftz Lachey Keevers Demo Fusion
Humphrey Bodart Az Darts
K Dart Martin Tse HTM
Pissed by the End Phil O'Neil NISS
TBA
The Dart Sharks Erin Crocker Fusion and co.
DIVISION B - Wednesday night.
Team Name Captain Reprezentin'
ABDC Nestor Apres Bar
Arse Donkits Kirsten Maley Niseko Photography
Bunchakunts Manu Manu's muscular forearms
Hitman Andy Colv HTM
Pissed by the Start Sara Patterson NISS
Sex Pests STIRLO HTM
Rythm Dong Dingas Adam Rhythm and Beats
TBA
DIVISION C - Thursday night.
Team Name Captain Reprezentin'
Cuzzie Throws AJ Edwards Niseko Photography
Daisankaku Ajax NISS
Dart Vaders Lee Phillip HTM
Hano Hounds Ryan Watts Niss
J Angels Ai Tanaka Nisade
Powder Puff Girls Griff HTM
Shidoriashi Steve Holmes Demo Fusion
Simply Red Red SkiJapan
Bam.
dartmaster. |
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